Today is our ten year anniversary and so I find myself reflecting on marriage. Husband and I were young, still in college, and (surprise!) expecting a child. We had NO idea what we were doing. We knew we loved each other, we knew we wanted to be a family, but other than that, we had no idea how to “be married”. So we figured it out. Together. I can’t say that our story would have turned out the same for anyone else, but it worked for us, and here’s why:
1) We take time for ourselves (individually and together). We are so lucky to have amazing parents who really support us and our marriage. My parents live locally and take the kids every Saturday overnight so that husband and I can enjoy some time alone. The work week is crazy. We see each other in passing as I work night shift at a local hospital and he does his 9-5 thing downtown at a bank. It’s SO IMPORTANT that we have that time to reconnect and be present with one another. Hubbys mother lives in Colombia and even though she is far- she checks in on us daily, encouraging and supporting us from afar. We also have friends and interests separate from each other. Hubby is a member of a local beer club and goes weekly to sample new, local brews and unwind with his friends/colleges. I make time with my girlfriends to watch the latest RomCom and binge on popcorn or attend a bookclub to devour coffee and discuss books. It’s equally as important to have time apart, doing things we love separately, as it is to do things together.
2) Understand that marriage isn’t disposable. Although we were young and star-y eyed when we exchanged vows, we both understand the gravity of promising your life to someone. Through the good and the bad we know at the end of the day- neither of us is going anywhere. There is something comforting in knowing that no problem we encounter can’t be worked through. Don’t get me wrong- there have been times I have wanted to pull my hair out (and his hair out) in frustration. We have argued and bickered and been stubborn and unforgiving, but we are human, we are going to have bad days. But bad days don’t equal a bad life. And that’s important to keep in mind.
3) We don’t take ourselves too seriously and we have fun! While we both are working professionals, raising children, doing the whole “grown up” thing- we are both still kids at heart. Date night for us may be paintball and drinks at a local bar, running in a “Wipe Out” style 5k (also please note I am NOT athletically inclined), lazer tag, epic gin rummy showdowns (I AM THE RUMMY MASTER!), haunted corn mazes, you get the drift. It’s so easy to get caught up in “adulting” that you don’t take some time to just have fun. We make it a point to have adventures and never shy away from trying fun things together.
In a world where people treat marriage as such a disposable commodity, I am proud that we have made it 10 years. We have fought hard for it, worked tirelessly at it, and loved fiercely through it. Looking forward to however many more decades God gives us on this merry-go-round of life!
What do you all do to keep your marriage alive? Any fun date night suggestions?